Carmel Ho Ho's For The Soul
by fireflyjunction
Summary: The secret double life of Erik exposed! Tortured musical genious by night, but calendar model extrodinare by day!
1. Carmel Ho Ho's Take One

_**Author's Note:** Okay, this whole story is one hundred percent dedicated to CloudxInxCrimson for being the best ever! Therefore in honor of this most wonderful person, I have titled this story based on a bizarre conversation we had. The idea was, if you could be any nonperishable item, what would you be? C.I.C. chose, obviously, Carmel Ho Ho's. Please review and tell me what you would be so that I can have some good titles for my other chapters!_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything really, including the characters in this story with the exception of_ _Mr. Creveceours. _

The tall man stepped out of his trailer with an easy manner and a lighthearted air. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and was a beautiful Friday morning. Just one more day to go until the weekend and he could take a much needed break! He regretted the day he'd ever agreed to photograph this insane calendar. Every last one of the models had been high strung, imperiously demanding this or that and constantly finding faults with anything and everything.

"Good morning Mr. Creveceours, you're looking rather chipper this morning," came a voice at his side. Turning he saw a well-dressed foreign man standing patiently beside his trailer.

"Good morning Daroga, and how are you this fine morning?" he asked as he continued to stroll along.

"I am well, thank you, but I have some news which concern the days activities." At a curious glance from Mr. Creveceours, he elaborated. "Would you prefer to hear the good news or the bad news first?"

"Lets have the good first so that I can enjoy it while I can." He replied with a melancholy sigh of resignation.

"Sir Percy Blakeney called to say he is unable to be in the calendar due to some sort of difficulties in France. Apparently some British flower is causing havoc over there and he's gone to see about the problem. I have, however, managed to find a replacement for him, the Visconte de Chagney." Nadir finished proudly.

"The who?"

"A young nobleman who happens to be an acquaintance of mine." He pouted slightly because his quick fix was underappreciated.

"That's too bad, Sir Percy was a fine looking fellow. I can assume that this Visconte isn't that hard on the eyes?"

"Raoul does seem to appeal to a rather select group, but I'm confident that it won't adversely affect the sales of the calendar in any way."

"Fine, so this Raoul will do the calendar shoot just like that? How much is he asking for?"

"Two hundred…"

"Two hundred thousand dollars! There's no way we can afford that kind of expense! You'll just have to call him back and tell him it's off!"

"No sir, not two hundred thousand…"

"Just two hundred dollars? That's awful cheep for a model, what's wrong with him?" (_A/N: snickering I'm trying very hard to be nice here but it really is hard…)_

"He wants calendars not dollars!" Nadir shouted in frustration.

"He wants calendars? Two hundred calendars! What the heck is he going to do with two hundred calendars?"

"Apparently that is the number of copies it will take to wallpaper his bathroom." The photographer just gave him an odd look and continued on his way. "Um sir, you ought to hear the bad news as well…"

"I thought that Sir Percy leaving was the bad news?" Nadir shook his head sadly. "Oh come on, how bad could it be?"

"I'm afraid that the Viscount will not be able to make it until this afternoon and since the producers want to finish this a soon as possible…"

"No! Please no! Please don't tell me that we're going to…"

"I'm afraid so sir."

"Isn't there anyone else we could do today? Does anyone need any re-do's?"

"I'm afraid that our Mr. December is the last model left to shoot until Raoul arrives."

"If only we really could shoot him, no one would know the difference with that blasted mask of his and just think how much nicer he'd be."

"I can assure you that every last one of his phangirls would undoubtedly notice that he was dead and would exact their revenge in the worst ways imaginable. Speaking of Phangirls…"

_**A/N**: Ha ha! A cliffhanger on an oh-so-very short chapter! Ahh, is there anything more perfect that an evil plan that succeeds? Yes there is, Carmel Ho Ho's!_

_Bizarre fact of the day: Creveceours is actually a beautiful but rare breed of French chicken. These moderately sized birds are all black and lay white eggs. _

_Don't forget to review and tell me what you would be!_


	2. Carmel Ho Ho's Take Two

_**Author's Notes**: Okay, so I was reading my reviews and Le Fantom De Le Opera, (Thank you Monsieur!) pointed out that I didn't include what the calendar was about and I was like, yeah I did, Erik explained all that… So I went back and looked over my chapter and was shocked to discover that somehow the whole second half of my story was chopped off! What is up with that! The ending notes are there so how did it just decide to delete a portion of it and leave the rest? Crazy computers! Anyhow here's what was supposed to be the rest of chapter one, sorry for the confusion. _

_**Disclaimer:** Grr, why do I have to do this again, can't you people just take my word for it that I don't own any of the cast from Phantom or the Scarlet Pimpernel and go torment somebody else for a while so that I can pretend that I do?_

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"Look Sir Percy, I don't give a damn about your precious flowers, be they here or there, but there's no way you're going to France without me! I will do anything to get off this blasted island and I do mean anything!" Erik ranted, furiously pacing back and forth in his miserable little trailer.

"My dear fellow, do you not find these tropical sunsets to be the loveliest…" the dashing man before him elegantly drawled.

"Sunsets! The five minutes of peace between the flesh melting daylight and nocturnal swarms of colossal insects! No sunset anywhere is worth the agony of this!"

"Come now sir, do try and contain yourself. Why I'm sure if I were to take you with me, you would miss this tropical paradise not ten minutes afterwards." His attention quickly taken up with a speck of dust upon his cuff, he missed the look of hope that streaked across the other's face.

"Lets try it and find out!" receiving no response from the only man to out fop the Fop, Erik sighed once more in frustration. "Blast it all, this whole thing is Nadir's fault!"

"How so?" Sir Percy question obligingly as he minutely inspected the rest of his outfit.

"It was his idea to drag all of us to this Hell away from home, and even to suggest the calendar in the first place! All but forcing us in engage in this mind numbing misery just so that he could fulfill his dream of being an assistant to some big shot photographer! I ask you, who is ever going to buy a calendar of book-inspired Broadway musical stars? Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, Don Quixote, Jean Val jean, and so on! It's too ridiculous! Just look at you, Mr. June indeed!"

"But Mr. December, I vow that his calendar will most assuredly be a smashing success, and I can only regret that I will not be able to grace its pages. Oh well, such is the loss of so many for so few…"

"Tell you what, you go now, take me with you, and then come back later and take my spot! How about it?"

"I'm afraid it would simply never work. Besides my masked chap I have a feeling you'll want to be here when my replacement arrives."

"Do you think he will help me escape?" Erik asked with a melancholy air.

"Most doubtful, but I have heard the strangest rumors about some rather bizarre actions of his a while back so I must suggest that anything is possible."

"Then why should I even care who he is?"

"It is not who he is but whom he brings. And now I really must be off, it would be unspeakably rude to make the pilot wait for me, and certainly not conducive to a pleasant flight to the nest of vipers France ahs become. Farewell Erik, and do try to keep up the old sprit of good cheer, things always have ways of working out."

_**A/N:** Really sorry again for that, I guess I'll have to pay more attention when I preview my chapter before posting it. Anyhow, don't forget to **Review**; you see what a difference you can make! (Okay, now that I feel like Smokey the Bear...)_

_Bizarre fact of the day: According to a 1961 census there are 1653 languages or dialects in use among the people of India. _


	3. Candy Canes and Noisy Planes

_**Author's Note: **Okay thanks to all of you who mentioned what nonperishable item you would be. As far as whether or not Carmel Ho Hos are in fact perishable or not, I have no idea because I've have never seen a Carmel Ho Ho and I place all the responsibility on CloudxInxCrimson because that was what she picked. So there._

_**Disclaimer**: If wishes were horses Erik would be mine and together we would ride off into the sunset! _

Christine sighed yet again as the seemingly endless plane ride continued on its way towards the tiny tropical island. The mind-numbing drone of the engines of their small plane was something of a relief after listening to Raoul telling her over and over about what a big break for his career this calendar was going to be. The flight from Paris to Florida had been filled with hours of his hopes and dreams of glory, mass adoration and bathroom décor. Thankfully, during the plane ride form Florida to the island Raoul had managed to find someone else to talk to or rather to talk at.

"Christine?" The fiancé in question shouted in her ear. "Are you awake?" Not wanting to shout back to be heard above the roar, she simply nodded.

"The man over there" he yelled, pointing to a well muscled and sympathetic-looking gentleman sitting across the aisle from them, "says you can see the island from your window."

Thrilled at this news, she instantly turned and squinted out the tiny window, attempting to see their destination at last. Spotting the miniscule island amongst the vast expanse of water she was interrupted in her inspection when she noticed someone was tapping on her shoulder.

"What?" She shouted in confusion.

"I said," Raoul shouted slowly. "Move over so I can see."

She sighed in frustration but obligingly moved over to sit next to the stranger to give Raoul a better view. The man returned her pained smile as Raoul squinted at the ocean below.

"You must be Christine." The man yelled in a kind tone.

"Do I know you?" She yelled back, more than ready to be off this cacophonous monster that was lowering itself to the island.

"No," he replied over the din, "My name is Agent Smith, I'm in charge of your security while on the island. The rest of my agents will meet us when we land."

"Our security?" Christine asked in surprise. "Is it a very dangerous island?"

Agent Smith chuckled. "No, the island is perfectly safe, it is just that some of the visitors to the island may not be exactly thrilled to see you or your fiancé and we want to make sure nothing happens."

"Ohh," she helplessly whispered.

"Please don't worry about it. I will make sure that your safety is in no way compromised." He loudly announced in a very assured tone.

Numbly nodding her head in reply, Christine turned to watch Raoul as he happily gazed down upon the island below. _You were supposed to always protect me. _She thought miserably. _You promised to protect me._

She closed her eyes against the tears which threatened to fall as she thought of the other who had also promised, but whose promise she had rejected.

_Grow up Christine! _She mentally shouted at herself. _Wishing for Erik just because somebody doesn't like you is not only childish it's not fair to Raoul! _

With a new resolve she cast aside her thoughts of her lost angel and braced herself as the plane made its dramatic descent to earth.

_**A/N**: Yeah I know its short but it's also only a transition chapter so deal with it! LOL, just kidding! No really it just seemed like a good place to stop for now and besides, if I don't post something on it soon CIC is probably going to hurt me. With any luck I'll post more very soon! So anyway, as always Please Review! Ta!_

_Bizarre fact of the day:_ _Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the U.S., but technically it is number 47. Until August 7, 1953, congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to the Union._


	4. Bring in the Phangirls

_**Author's Note**: I know what you're thinking, well okay not all of you but I'd bet there is at least one of you out there who are saying, " look! She FINALLY updated!" Yeah so I'm a slacker, so what? Lol just kidding I'm just really struggling with getting myself motivated to write anything right now I don't know why. Oh well, whatever. (shrugs)_

_**Disclaimer**: I own… all of the nameless phangirls in this chapter unless any of you want to claim yourselves, which is totally understandable. _

"Look there's Sir Percy!" One of many girls gathered in a closely guarded group called out. "We love you Sir Percy!" The rest of the group chorused their concurrence.

"Not as much as Erik!" Shouted another quickly, to the mumbled agreement of the assembly. "But we're going to miss you!"

"Alas how I hate to make you cry but go I must, farewell fair ladies!" Sir Percy called out gaily to the crowd of phangirls currently secured behind barbwire fencing as he headed towards the airport building to await the plane that was even now screeching its cacophonous way across the runway towards him.

"I wonder who they got to replace him?" Wondered one girl out loud.

"Hopefully somebody cute!" Squeed another.

"Nobody is cuter than Erik!" A voice from the back shouted.

"Erik is more than cute, he's _sexy_!" Argued back one of the girls. Several loud sighs confirmed her assessment. "Nobody is as sexy as he is!" Much more dramatic sighing ensued.

"Well then lets just hope they found somebody just as good looking as Sir Percy then." One of the softer-spoken girls interrupted.

"It doesn't matter who they found," Declared one of the older girls, "Erik is the only one I will ever love." The many stone faced armed guards standing watch swayed gently in the breeze created by all the sighing this latest comment provoked.

"Yeah but we're going to have to look at whomever they got and this island doesn't need any more Mr. Hyde's running around." Piped up a girl in the back after several moments were spent daydreaming about Erik.

"True, but you can't have one without the other and the Doctor is kind of cute." Outraged silence resulted. "Well he is!"

No one could respond to the last claim for the roaring engines of the plane cut off any further communication. As the propellers had finally dwindled to a stop and the natural quasi silence of the island returned, the group simply stood and watched and waited, eager to see who was to emerge.

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"I am NOT wearing this Nadir." Erik growled menacingly from behind the curtain.

"Why not?" he asked in return, casually flipping through a photography magazine. "It's the right size."

"I am NOT wearing it." Erik angrily repeated.

"What's wrong with it?" He inquired politely, sensing a confrontation he set the magazine down. Silence filled the trailer; outside a plain could be heard coming in for a landing. "Erik?"

"There isn't enough here to wear!" Erik suddenly shouted. "Its beyond indecent, I refuse to wear it!"

"Erik, calm down! I assure you it is quite the fashion nowadays and no one is going to think any less of you." Nadir soothed. Suddenly smirking he added, "And trust me your phangirls are going to love it!"

"I don't care if they love it, Daroga!" Erik snarled. "Besides they don't need this kind of encouragement, its hard enough to keep them off me already!"

"Now Erik you know what happened last time was an accident and we have hired several guards to protect you from them so it doesn't happen again."

"I don't need protection from anyone!" Erik yelled defiantly, "I need peace and quiet and music!"

"And you'll have all of that as soon as you get dressed and go get your pictures taken so you can go home as soon as possible."

"Well find me some real clothes to wear and then I will!" Erik stormed out from behind his curtain, dressed in his usual clothes. Throwing the box he carried at Nadir he shouted, "Because I am NEVER going to wear that thong!"

_**A/N**: Ok so there you go, think of it what you will. Reviews are always enjoyed, even if they are flames._


	5. The Sudden Silence

_**Author's Note**: If anybody out there knows a good way to get motivated to finish stories sooner, I would be thrilled to hear it!_

_**Disclaimer:** I own a very sweet doggie but she's not in this story._

"Can you see?" eagerly asked one of the shorter girls. Standing on tiptoes she could just see the two agents waiting for the passengers to emerge.

"Who is it?" Another asked from the back. There was no reply as those who could see waited in anticipation for the newcomers to show themselves. "Who!"

"They haven't got off the plane yet," one of the more aggressive girls who had fought her way to the front, announced.

"Does anybody see my contact lens?" Asked a tall brown haired girl as she scanned the nearby sand in vain. Several girls stopped to look as well, allowing those in the back a better view.

"Look! Somebody is getting off the plane!" the first girl shouted in glee. Abandoning their search, the girls shot forward, each eager to see who the new arrival would be. "Stop pushing me!"

"Who is he?" several breathless girls squeed. A muscular man in dark clothing stepped out, blinking in the bright sunshine. He was massive; he could easily have passed for a superhero in any comic book if he put on a better-looking outfit.

"He's not cute at all," muttered the tall girl, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "And his hair looks slimy."

"But he does have nice muscles." The girl who had previously claimed to like Dr. Jekyll argued, and was instantly frowned upon by all those who heard her comment.

"They should have kept Sir Percy." Murmurs of agreement filtered through the ranks. Losing interest several girls returned to staring longingly at their posters of Gerry or whichever phantom they happened to have a poster of.

It was therefore random phangirl number five who happened to notice the obvious. "No, look he's from security! There's somebody else!"

An awful silence filled the stretch of sand where four wary guards looked upon the suddenly and shockingly quite phangirls. It was not a good sign…

"I found it!" rinsing off the contact lens in some solution the lone still-somewhat-sane phangirl quickly inserted it and discovered the terrible reason for the silence.

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"Agent Smith, glad to see you, I hope your flight was uneventful?" One of the two guards at the exit ramp asked politely as the few passengers collected their belongings from the overhead compartments.

"That landing was a bit rough but I suppose that to be expected with all the uneven air currents being so close to the ocean and all." The tall agent replied as he assisted Raoul with his luggage, taking a pair of the Viscount's six bags as well as his own before exiting.

Picking up the larger pair of Raoul's suitcases, the island guard nearly staggered from the weight. "Yes, Captain Browne is really doing well for having only flown for, what is it now, Jack?" He asked the second guard standing beside him, subtly beaming an evil glare at the newest arrival and his overweight baggage. "Three weeks or four?"

"Yeah. That sounds about right." Jack replied, grabbing the last two bags. "Oh hello miss, didn't see you there." He smiled at the pale woman struggling to retrieve her modest suitcase.

"Darling allow me to assist you," Raoul gallantly announced, retrieving her modest bag, panting slightly at the effort. "Now then, lets us go and make beautiful pictures!"

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"Now look Erik I'm sorry about the thong, I swear I don't know how it go t put in your box but this is your outfit." Nadir sighed, as Erik merely continued to glower at him.

"And what's the catch with this one hmmm? Will it dissolve in water or perhaps fade away in direct sunlight?" Erik snarled, angrily pacing about in his trailer. "I tell you those girls are out to get me Nadir and I want off this blasted island immediately!"

"Erik now you've got to listen, they must have switched outfits before the last encounter, they have been closely watched ever since and…" Nadir frowned as Erik suddenly froze and held up a hand for silence.

"Shhh…"

"Look I know you don't wan to hear about this but you've got to…."

"SHHHH!"

"What is it?" Nadir paused, though his hearing was firmly within the normal bounds of human range, he doubted he would hear whatever his companion did. "I don't hear anything…"

"Exactly."

_**AN**: Dum Dum DUUUUMMM! Whatever could happen next! lol Honestly if anybody has some super motivation ideas, I'm almost desperate, so HELP!  
_


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